creative counterpart VII

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24

I have mentioned in the past that I am reading/working through Creative Counterpart over at Lori's blog. And while I have not been as diligent as Lori has about posting a recap, I have been reading and pondering what I have read. (I ponder a lot. It's a Winnie the Pooh thing.) I meant to post about last weeks chapter but life intervened. So I figured I'd post about this week's chapter. Which is on submission. My favorite topic. Not. (this may be a very short post.)

I must confess that I have a lot of huh? moments reading this book. It is chock full of stuff that I cannot absorb in just one reading. I often go back and reread chapters to try get every juicy bit that I can out of them. The chapter on submission is no exception.

I suspect that most women have a false impression of what biblical submission really means. I know that I struggle with some of these issues. It's not that I want to rule the world (or my husband). I certainly don't feel that I am right all the time. I don't necessarily see myself as a prideful person. I think my fear of submission partly relates back to some past issues and partly comes from fearing that submission means that I will "disappear" if I submit to my husband's authority. However, Linda Dillow says that "God's plan for marital happiness involves a spiritual head and a creative counterpart. God's man and God's woman complete each other." She goes on to say that, "She has chosen to be submissive because God has commanded it and because she is convinced that only completion will result in a vital, fulfilling marriage." (page 121.)

While I am not sure that submission will come any easier after reading this chapter, it certainly confirms (and convicts) that this is God's intent for a healthy marriage. Linda goes on to list the barriers to a submissive spirit (the disobedient husband, arbitrary discrimination based on Sex, the squelching of personal identity, the four fears, and pride), the benefits of a submissive spirit (tension releaser, husband changer, and happy happy joy joy moments) and the limits of submission (yes, there are some.) I have to say that after reading this chapter, I do recognize myself in some of these issues and realize that regardless of what excuses I might be offering as to why I cannot submit, I am still being disobedient to God and disrespectful to my husband. I'll be praying for forgiveness and a submissive spirit. (and I'll probably be asking for an easy way to accomplish it as well. It doesn't hurt to ask!)

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do. 1 Peter 3:1-6

Creative Counterpart...part 4

In case you've forgotten (since I didn't post about this last week due to life as we know it grinding to a halt), I am working through Creative Counterpart with Lori. (and I did read last week's chapter and do the homework, I just didn't post about it...).

The chapter this week was long (forty pages) and had a whole lot of information in it. I found it to be challenging and somewhat painful at times.

Linda starts this chapter with the verse, "Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts." (Psalm 90:12) She talks about a friend of hers who was figuring up the average amount of time she might have left on this earth. This friend was thirty and figured she should live to be at least seventy. While forty years seemed like a long time, when she broke it down into days, it only amounted to 14,600! She was challenged to live each day to the fullest...for about a week. Then life took over and years passed and the next time she thought about it, she was down to about 12,000 days. The obvious point here is that the days pass quickly and we are in real danger of waking up one day and wondering where on earth the time went. ( I'm pretty sure it was only a moment ago that my children were toddlers but yet I find that one child is planning a wedding and another is choosing colleges.)

With that thought in our heads, Linda asks what our life goal is. A woman with a life goal is not going to sit idly by and let days pass into weeks and weeks into years. She is going to make sure that her life counts! (And while I do not currently have a personal life goal, I liked Linda's and am going to borrow it until I come up with one of my own. Or not. Because hers is good.)

Here's the kicker. Now that we have a life goal, we have to work toward achieving it. Nothing is ever as simple as it sounds, is it? This is where I got a few wake up calls. And needed to reread the chapter to imprint the information on my brain. To achieve our goals, we need to set priorities.

Those priorities are: God, husband, children, home, me, outside activities.

As an activity, Linda asked us to evaluate what percentage we thought we spent in each of the six areas this past week. (I will not be revealing my score. Needless to say, I am ashamed of my percentages.)

The rest of the chapter spent a considerable amount of time detailing information about each of the six priorities. Here are a few snippets that stood out to me:

God:

substituting activity for God for a relationship with God (um...guilty.)

our attitude toward the Word should be as a starving infant demanding food desperately.

a devotional time is not a law but a relationship (how many times do I complete devotions so I can check them off my list?)

Husband:

believe it or not, I only underlined one thing. Not because I am a perfect wife (snort!) but because this covers it all...first in my heart.

Children:

What we are speaks so much louder than what we say. (ouch, been there, done that.)

Am I really there---available for their needs? (or am I zoned out, thinking about whatever it is that flits around in my little blonde head?)

an awesome responsibility before God to raise the children for Him. (oh, if only all parents would look at the blessing of children in this way!)

Home:

How would you describe the atmosphere in your home? (Jessi, do not answer that.)

It is the woman in each home who creates the atmosphere.

often she cops out and doesn't budget her time at all. (um...guilty again. ouch again.)

She concludes this priority with this verse which is just wonderful...I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. Psalm 101:2 NKJV

Yourself:

This was a very short section. I marked nothing. Considering how my percentages for the past week turned out, I apparently have no problem making myself a priority. Sigh.

Outside the home:

One issue I have had before was attending a bible study when my husband did not want me to. Elizabeth George counseled in one of her many books that my job was to honor my husband's request. And if he didn't want me to attend a bible study then I should not. She said that it didn't mean that I couldn't pray that God would change his mind but that my duty as a wife was to honor my husband's wishes. So I did. So rather than resenting the time that I spent at the bible study (and resenting God as well for "taking up my time"), my husband learned that his opinion was important to me. (and Linda would probably say, "activity for God is not a relationship with God.")

The other thing that I marked was "you do not need to do everything your neighbor does. You are not your neighbor. You are you." I do think it is easy to look at other women, see what they are doing and want to do it to. Or wish that you did it as well as they do. But we have no idea how our life really compares to theirs. We do not walk in their shoes and they have no idea how ours fit. One of my friends is constantly telling me that she has no idea how I do everything I do. I always wonder what on earth it is that she thinks I am doing. Or I think that I may be doing bunches of things but I don't think I am doing them well. Then I think that I wish my house was as clean as hers is. (she washes her microwave out regularly!) She is also getting ready to take another mission trip to Romania. And she does professional photography work, raises three kids and works part time. She also works with a handicapped group at two different churches. And she and her husband are talking about adopting an older-than-them gentleman whose father can no longer take care of him. And she has no idea how I do what I do? But I am not her and she is not me and God has called each of us to different things. (Hi, Shireen! Did you recognize yourself?)

Hmmm...I said there was a lot of information in this chapter. If you are still reading, thanks. If not, well, thanks anyway. I suspect Lori is a lot more succinct in her post about this one.

Creative Counterpart: Week 1

Several weeks ago, Lori mentioned that she would like to put together a group to read through and comment on the book Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow. Well, I am always game for reading and I had looked at this book several times over the years but had never read it. So, now it's September and we've completed the first two chapters. (No, it didn't take me several weeks to read a couple of chapters. We were waiting til September to start!)

I have to confess, with all my brilliant powers of observation, I did not realize that this was a study on the Proverbs 31 woman. My least favorite person on earth. Because she is so...perfect. And I am so...not. And truth be told (because we are being honest here), I'm not sure I want to be. Too many times I still wrestle with my own selfish desires (I'd rather be reading a book than cleaning up cat vomit). Oddly enough (and who says God doesn't have a sense of humor!) I find myself doing not one but two studies revolving around that woman. So I figure this is the direction that God wants me to go for now. (kicking and screaming all the way.)

I read chapter two several times this past week (kind of hoping that I could absorb her traits through osmosis). And while I would still rather be reading a book than cleaning up cat vomit, I did find several interesting points.

The thing that I found most reassuring was this: Linda points out that she has grown children. Which means that she is of a certain age herself. Which tells us that this was not something that happened overnight. "Her inner qualities did not appear overnight but were hammered out in the trials of life as she trusted God and obeyed Him." (p19) I think one of the reasons that she frustrates me so is that I don't feel like I am like her. As a matter of fact, I know I am not. But, the question of the day is, "am I more like her today than I was a year ago?" And I'd like to think the answer is yes. One other thing that Linda mentions along this line is,"God would not use her as the example of the 'excellent wife' unless we, too, could grow to become like her." (p19) So that's our reassurance that all is not lost. Since the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (or something like that) I am going to think of these studies as my first steps.

There are several subsections in the chapter "beautiful blueprint". Lori broke each one down and commented on all of them. I'm not quite ready to do that. One thing did strike me as I read her recap of the chapter though and it came from the other study that I am working through. Donna is having us memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 (and I've memorized 10-15. Woo hoo!) and the portion of the verse that caught my eye was, "her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." For some reason this touches me each time I read or recite it. I want my husband to lack nothing of value. To have full confidence in me. To know that I am going to clean up the cat vomit. Or call the delivery place or have all the ingredients to fix dinner. To know that his home will be managed. And right now, that's a hit or miss kind of thing. Which is why I am in the midst of two different studies dealing with the same issue, How to be the wife that God wants me to be. One that blesses her husband and children.

Linda finished the chapter by pointing out that "the key to her success was that she feared the Lord." And our key to being like that woman is to begin as she did, "with a vital relationship with God." (p20)

Our homework this week was to read and reread Proverbs 31. Linda also asked us to be specific in listing personal goals for this year in six different areas. My goals are as follows (and I am hoping she's not referring to the calendar year.):

a) Your relationship to God---to get up earlier and spend more time with Him.

b)Your relationship to your husband---to serve him more (with a happy heart!)

c) Your relationship to your children---to listen more attentively

d) Your homemaking abilities---to be better organized (house, meals, etc.)

e) Yourself as a woman---to be more fit, eat better, exercise more

f) Your outreach to others (through outside activities)---I really feel God is calling me to be more hospitable...to offer more of my home to others...and this will probably be the hardest thing on my list to do. I always feel my house isn't clean enough or my life isn't organized enough to open it up to others. (and yes, I am probably harder on myself than others would be...)

So, here we are at the end of week one, chapter two. If you'd like to join us, please stop by Lori's and check it out. (and that girl has a way with words. She can teach!)