I have a question for you.
Let me give you a couple of situations first. Then I'll pose my question. And I really would like to know what you think. Because I continue to struggle with this. And I am getting nowhere.
Situation A: I have this relative. Let's refer to this relative as X. X is currently on his third marriage. X also has a history of unfaithfulness...lots of affairs. X used to be a minister but decided that he didn't believe in God anymore. Mainly because God wouldn't approve of his chosen lifestyle. X has a son who was encouraged to lie to X's wife so that she wouldn't find out about his affairs. X's son has made comments like, "what's the big deal? It's just adultery." Although X is a close relation, we do not have a relationship with him anymore.
Situation B: Cinderella had a classmate who was an exchange student. Let's refer to the exchange student as Z. Cinderella and Z were close and had lots of fun together. Z returned to her native land and she and Cinderella kept in touch for awhile. Then Cinderella's letter's went unanswered. In the meantime, Z's host parents got divorced. Papa host parent was a minister, but left the ministry. Cinderella was very good friends with host boy. Host boy went crazy around this time, got kicked out of school, never graduated, never went to college, was thrown out of his house and bounced from job to job. This made Cinderella very sad. Yesterday, Cinderella discovered that Papa host parent followed Z to her native land, proposed marriage and married Z. Over a year ago. Cinderella is upset, shocked and overwhelmed by the "ick" factor. She wants to talk to Z but doesn't want to talk to/about Papa host parent.
So here's my burning question. The one that I struggle with all the time. How do you have a relationship with someone without giving the appearance that you are condoning what they have done. In the case of X, I am angry. I loved X's second wife like a sister. I hate what he has done. And continues to do. He sets a poor example for my children. I don't want them to grow up thinking that it is okay to live their life this way. And I know that his choices have affected his children. And yet I know that God wants me to forgive him. And I know my responsibility is to reflect Christ's love so that maybe someday he will find his way back to God. I am angry over the choices that Z and papa host parent made. I realize that their poor choices will continue to reverberate for generations to come. And yet, I know that God offers forgiveness if only they ask. On the other hand, I don't want my children to think that this is an acceptable way to live their life either.
So how do you do it? How do you love the person but not the choice. Especially when their choice makes them the person that they are? Any thoughts?