Thursday, October 18, 2007

The best of times, the worst of times

Was it really? Actually, I am on vacation. Not for very much longer. But still, it's a vacation day for me. This vacation week for me is always a "do nothing" week. However, I seem to fill it every year with little bitty, time consuming activities. Which is not a bad thing. I take this week because my birthday is this week. And I am not overly fond of birthdays. For many reasons. Sometimes, I don't like the fact that I am getting older. Especially when I consider getting older means no more babies, more sags, droops and wrinkles, and so forth. Sometimes, I don't like birthdays because I am an adopted child. It's funny that at 43 years old, it still bothers me that my birth mother doesn't choose to contact me. Not that she would know where I am, or even still be alive herself. Logic doesn't enter this picture anywhere. Not that I am discontent with the life that I have or love my parents any less. It's just that sometimes I still feel like a part of me is missing. But mainly I just want the opportunity to sulk over whichever 40 something birthday this happens to be. And I think looking forward to vacation covers up the dreading another year passing. Of course, another year means I am still alive, in reasonably good health, at this point having all (or most) my mental faculties...and a host of other things that I cannot recall at this moment. (probably a senior moment sneaking up!) But it has been a good week. I have enjoyed being home. Sometimes I think I could do this (staying home) full time. But I would probably eat bon bons all day and grow very big. Or bigger. So happy vacation and happy birthday to me!